Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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