dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
