is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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