guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
