He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
