my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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