I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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