Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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