Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the day after is always just damage control
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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