Nicole vs. Life
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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