Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
