all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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