I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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