I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
