I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
