The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
