ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
