chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you would pick up someone in the library
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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