then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
