just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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