You just made me feel so damn special
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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