We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
