I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize