dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Houston, we have a squirter
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
