Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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