Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
