man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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