i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
should my penis look like a turkey
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
