woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize