I heard we made out
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
