This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
