He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
