you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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