3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
