You work out of a Hotel?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize