my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
