I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize