i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
