I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
