these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
