He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
