Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
