Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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