I cockslap morals
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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