I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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