It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
