I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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