just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
