You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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