can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
