I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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