Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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