Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hippo gnu deer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
