I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there's paper in my vomit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
