My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize