If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
