no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
