bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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