You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Watching her eat just hurts me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize