am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
