Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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