Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
