totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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