Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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