he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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