i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
