He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
