...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
