So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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