Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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