she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
