Do you still have your period?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
