So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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