I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
