FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
tell me about the eggs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
