I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
