and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
