Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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