Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
